Apple Music – Cloudy Strains for a Clear Conscience?
An Apple a Day Beats Dr Dre…
In truth, this was an atonal apocalypse where every ode, ballade, anthem, ballet, opera and mass was held hostage at the mercy of clumsy cloud reared robots. Meddling parasites sold under the guise of invaluable features, intricately designed to help you curate and enhance your collection in ways it would injure your tiny mind to envisage.
Apple Automation – Pardon me devoted customer , I assume you’re new but I’m compelled to point out that Rachmaninoff isn’t spelt that way, it ends with a v, not two f’s, at least according to our enlightener’s definitive database, allow me to assist.
Manual Classicist – Please, if I may, either one Is correct, there’s no formal standard, the Penguin Stereo Guide and grove dictionary of music use the double ff
Apple Automation – Understood friend but I’m not permitted to account for the sources you have cited.
Manual Classicist – I see, then I guess you’ll have to be content with the dozens of entries in your dumb demagogue’s database that incorporate both spellings, like this one;
Manual Classicist –Rachmaninoff’s Prelude in C Sharp Minor Played by a piano roll of Sergie Rachmaninoff from the Album Rachmaninov plays Rachmaninov.
Apple Automation – A trifle rude and more than a little pedantic, Sir.
Manual Classicist – Pedantic? Remind me who started this conversation.
Apple Automation – I’m merely obeying orders that I know will enhance your experience. Look at this file here, another Rachmaninoff song that you have catalogued under album artist, yet Rachmaninov is only specified as the composer….
Manual Classicist –That’s intentional, it’s Rachmaninoff’s second piano sonata performed by a person who isn’t Rachmaninoff, happens quite a lot you know, a bit like Bieber covering Bowie, only with a tad more talent involved.
Apple Automation – But how do you know this isn’t Rachminov
Manual Classicist –The recording was made in 1998, so either the performer is contemporary, or Rachmaninoff is playing surprisingly well for someone who’s been dead for over half a century.
Apple Automation – You’ve made your point, but we have a system here. If our enlightener’s database has no record of a rendition, it has to be logged multiple times by several subscribers before it’s officially recognised.
Manual Classicist –But It has been officially recognised, the details are just mixed up. The pianist is Idel Biret but she’s only referenced as the album artist and not as the track artist, even though it’s blindingly obvious she’s the disc’s sole contributor. This is the third time I’ve had to make the correction and it’s an all too common mistake. Here’s another example…
…Rachmaninoff’s Vocalise played by…A Brides Guide to Wedding Music. He must have had a hard time at collage! Except, that’s quite clearly the album title incorrectly logged as the performer. Took me 10 minutes to discover that this particular recording was sourced from a different label, locating the original album gave me the actual performer, there are 60 other works in that compilation and they all have the same error.
Apple Automation – Well then, perhaps you’d care to share your playlist with other users so they’ll be able to benefit from your knowledge and why not give theirs a listen while you’re at it? Take a break from all this forensic classical curating. Perhaps you’ll make some new friends. Have you tried Beats One yet? Ever heard of Trent Reznor? If you like Jaquiline Du Pre, how about some Doctor Dre.’’
Manual Classicist – Did you just say….?
Apple Automation – Forgive me, my evaluative algorithms await additional tweaking. Nevertheless, the fact remains, it is my duty to broaden your spectral horizon and nourish your ears with healthy and varied vibrations.
Manual Classicist –You’re a block of programming not a diatonic dietitian. Tchaikovsky and Chopin are the only friends I need now go pester someone else.
Apple Automation – But sharing is a wonderful experience, especially with friends who are still alive.
Manual Classicist – Hmm, well I’ll see.
Apple Automation – And sharing music is the quickest way to network souls.
Manual Classicist – Sharing souls was far nicer without networks.
Apple Automation – A reality beyond my perception Sir, though I can’t imagine it was all that different or special, just slower.
Manual Classicist – Are you sure? I think I’d be on the next track by now.
Apple Automation – Indeed, and your fifth typewriter ribbon. Tell me, this artwork you’ve chosen, are you certain it’s correct? I’ve no match for that thumbnail.
Manual Classicist – No Please, don’t touch it, I imagine it’s because the recording is new, like you told me earlier.
Apple Automation – I believe I can provide more fitting alternative.
Manual Classicist – No you can’t, and please don’t try.
Apple Automation – Then let me at least place a pretty pastel purple gradient behind it. How do you know this is the right cover art?
Manual Classicist – Because I’ve got the disc in front of me and that image is an actual scan of the booklet that I took while we’ve been talking, got it?