Apple Music – Cloudy Strains for a Clear Conscience?
Manual Classicist – Why don’t you prescribe yourself a rose gold reality check? Dr. Dre? Trent Resnor? These are your kingpins, the aces up your sleeve, your principal patrons? Has either ever actually attempted to use this service as a humble consumer?
Apple Automation – Resnor collaborated in its design.
Manual Classicist – Really? So he didn’t just nod politely at every committee meeting and acquiesce whenever a programmer spouted jargon he couldn’t understand. How much influence did he have over the design, the interface or navigation. What percentage of his personal treasury is floating around in the clouds, does he manage it himself? Perhaps if he did then by now he’d be knocking nine inch nails into his 90 inch skull.
And I wonder how much Dr Dre is coughing up every month for gremlins to invade his gleaming home studio, tear down every platinum disc and stick up ones made of white plastic. Burrow into his private archive, shove Morrissey’s autobiography in the chill-out section. Hell it’s free right? He’s bound to like it.
Swap DJs with MCs, change Jay Zees to Jay Zeds, 50 cents to 50 pence, Eminems to Murray Mints and NWA to CIA. Spray paint his mixing desk, fiddle with the faders, rip out his bespoke diamond studded speakers and gold plated headphones and replace them with a Beats By Dr Dre Beatbox and some Beats by Dr Dre Solos, then leave Britney’s greatest hits blaring away at ninety decibels for when he and Snoop Dogg return to spit some midnight insight.
Apple Automation – You honestly believe that’s the same thing?
Manual Classicist – It is for those of us who can only afford $1000 for one “mobile” library and not $100.000 for reams of outboard gear with a complementary entourage to fix things when they break. I’d call it hypocrisy, but they’re too detached and narcissistic to know better. They’re Sentient marketing tools. Free-loading glory hunters stowing away on a gravy train of self promotion for few extra pennies in their piggy banks, and who could roast anyone for that?
Apple Automation – Please, quit the slander and this tawdry common man act. Everyone in the loop knows Dre’s monitors are Yamaha NS-10s and his cans are Audio Technicas, which come in at a third cheaper than the Beats.
Manual Classicist – My point proven. When the chef won’t taste the soup, be a bit suspicious…
Apple Automation – If he’d have worn Beats in his studio you’d be caning him for being a “chronic” sell out flogging an overpriced gimmick.
Manual Classicist – He’s already gone one better by wearing them in that Dr. Pepper Commercial.
Apple Automation – Dear me. Utter hypocrisy. From the streets to a house brand in less than 30 years, the sell out of the century. Tell me, What privilege do you lend your ears? Budget Beyer’s, second hand Shure’s. Doubt it, you talk like a sound connoisseur, one of those super-sonic intellectuals. A haughty, holier Hi-Fi-er with a pair of six foot floor standers and tweeters suspended in truffle oil connected to a turn table made from the same aluminium they use to build Nasa Space Stations and a carbon fibre helium filled tone arm with a stylus so sensitive it can pick up frequencies that only an Ibizen Hound could hear after an LSD overdose.
Let me guess, how much did those Grado R S Ones set you back, about $800? For the same You could have had eight years access to every piece of music under our M Class star. Downloaded and hoarded all you wanted. Relished decades of dynamic delights that one closed mind and two deprived ears never knew existed.
Rogue recordings from private recitals, rejected takes that only materialised on one stupidly rare deluxe edition. Instead you choose to act like a classless snob peering over the fence his the neighbour’s party and sneering at the unbridled euphoria even though secretly, his starved and bitter soul screams out for a taste. Why not Just sign up for three months and have an amble around that greener grass? Who knows, perhaps in time you’ll be recruited as one of our official curators.
Manual Classicist – Thanks for the invitation but I think I’ll pass. I’m afraid my curating commitments are accounted for trying to protect my collection from your relentless intrusions, though I’m sure my friend Oscar the Orangutan would be interested. I’d call him only his iPhone has been acting up ever since he installed iOS 9. He took it his local genius bar who suggested he should do a factory reset. When he asked how he was told it was so easy a monkey could do it, which he found condescending and extremely offensive.
Apple Automation – You’re making that up.
Manual Classicist – What, you don’r think Oscar’s real?
Apple Automation – As real as your fired imagination. But our staff would never speak on an Orangutan like that.
Manual Classicist – Unless of course he had swapped iTunes for Media Monkey.