A Case in Point.
Where previously a single graphics card and processor had each laboured in noble solitude, they could now conquer life’s binary hardships with an identical soulmate. A classic demonstration of one step forward, two steps back. Fret not, I’m aware of the knock-down argument. Nobody was forcing me to pull out all the stops, to maximise my rig’s potential, to stuff it so full of peripherals that it needed an enclosure large enough to let to a spoilt single mother. Capitulating to the decadence that I denounce makes me a hypocrite. One of everything would have been plenty. What obsessive, insecure hoarder can only rest easy in the knowledge of having gained ten superfluous frames per second?
No, I still refuse to be numbered amongst such fickle fanatics. Every tortured techno-file can be defined by one of four descriptors in accordance with their taste and temperament. These are as follows; The stubborn, The shrewd, The stylish and the The Spoilt. Here is a brief analysis of each.
The Stubborn. These are staunch individualists who will instinctively and vociferously resist change. Having invested in a system that met their demands say, five Christmases earlier, they will now row savagely against the currents/tide of contemporary consumerism, doggedly asserting that “new and improved” could not possibly reward them with anything of interest or merit beyond what they already possessed and worked perfectly. Authors, retired programmers and organisers of bake sales in close knit rural communities with populations of less than 600, might be typical examples of a stubbornist
The Shrewd. Shrewdists by contrast are reflective and stoical, resigned to paradigm shifts in the digital landscape and the painful transactions they necessitate, though not in the short term. If an upgrade is unavoidable, it must be one that will survive the next bi-annual refresh and at minimum, the one after that. Additionally, the choice of components is crucial.
They must be scarce, unorthodox and in a class above the conventional top tier so as to form an impregnable bond with the builder and thus assuage any temptation to elope with something more common, even though it might be faster. The Shrewdist’s concoction is also predicated on longevity and must therefor harbour industrial grade solutions for mission critical applications…excluding the odd spot of gaming. The logic being that if something is targeted at monstrous money munching corporations, it is less likely to exhibit the flaws engineered by monstrous money munching corporations.
Anything aggressively advertised or easily sourced is a virtual guarantee of the insidious obsolescence so frequently endured by the humble consumer and which ultimately, is far more damaging to student loans, planned holidays, happy marriages and general sanity. For anybody who hasn’t noticed, this philosophy just happens to coincide with my own and I hasten to add, provides a roundly plausible explanation for periodic profligacy should anybody dare to suggest there is the slightest similarity between the shrewd and the spoilt.
The Stylish. Were I to follow my mother’s advice, this category would account for myself. It consists of proactive optimists with an irrepressible instinct to procure premium performance for the price and specifically, by employing techniques that circumvent pre-existing parameters. The stylish take no greater pleasure than in preaching, primarily to the shrewd, about how a cunning combination of prudent purchases and skilled tweaking has yielded a system that punches a sizeable percentage of frequencies and frame rates above its stock specifications and moreover, for well below half the cash. Their curious nature and relentless urge to publicly breach official guidelines is as much of a curse as a blessing, commonly coaxing them to embark upon a cumbersome quest for the minuscule speed bonus necessary to humble a forum full of self-centred spendthrifts.
Ironically, the desperate measures they resort to will often generate instabilities that end up devouring far more resources than if they had simply subdued their irrational pride and acquired a faster CPU to begin with,. but that would be cheating. If a thirty second viral video a can demonstrate that a three hundred dollar mainstream processor can best a multi-core monster costing five times as provided its run under a heavily customised nickle plated copper water block on a dedicated loop connected to a class leading pump, reservoir and radiator filled with the contents of an ice queen’s tears filter jug and cooled by a pair of industrial grade ceiling fans ceiling fans, then the glory wholly justifies the graft.
The Spoilt. Little explanation is needed. These are self-serving cyber junkies bestowed with scarce knowledge, scant attention spans and more money than common courtesy, let alone sense. Their flamboyant disposition on social media serves merely as catalyst for narcissism and titillation for hordes of enraptured disciples rather than any useful or informative endorsement of whatever they appear to be “reviewing”. They can never be interested in a gadget for longer than it takes to film themselves taking it out of a box, removing several sheets of cellophane, stroking it, sniffing it, placing it alongside last month’s model, pointing out that its bigger….or smaller, showing their viewers an on button, pressing it, claiming ecstatically that the welcome screen might just be the greatest welcome screen in the history of welcome screens and using the word AWESOME two hundred and thirty seven times.
Hold on a moment, mutters the reader’s critical conscience. I can’t abide by such brazen pontificating. Having wandered wilfully from this article’s principal subject, we now appear to be confusing the self-sufficient hobbyist with an insatiable adopter of ready-made gimmicks, since when did video cards, motherboards or processors feature their own welcome screens?! An astute observation with a cogent defence. The point being that if any extrovert e-tail addict had once mustered the motivation to devise and construct a dream PC, their capricious character and lack of patience would have caused them rapidly to abandon home-brew artistry. They do not possess the concentration or resolve necessary to utilise even half of their creation’s functionality. To immerse themselves in an RPG as one might digest an engaging novel, to produce content containing something other than their own rudimentary opinions about the equipment they have just produced it on.
They seem decidedly more stimulated by repeatedly running cosmic definition benchmarks depicting slowly collapsing Aztec architecture, camp soldiers in skintight uniforms or leviathans leaping over jet propelled galleons before fawning over some tawdry Hall of Fame with their childish avatar In pole position. Predictably, the satisfaction garnered from such arrogant self-indulgence wears off faster than a Buddhist Monk’s hangover, Great White Shark’s indigestion, leaving them only one way to realise their ultimate goal of instant and recurring gratification without the hassle of screws, cables, pointy corners, thermal grease and more than five minutes of their fathomless free time. This sole solution? Go Apple!
Now, perhaps you can comprehend the entirely rational motif behind such an epic deviation. It was a means of expressing the author’s unmitigated animosity towards an omnipresent autocratic monstrosity hell bent on robbing proud heretics of their rights to individualism, not least that which permits one to appoint their own housing. Yet, as we return with weary eyes and to something resembling the topic in hand, it was I who was about to concede this very privilege, though not I emphasise in humiliating and unequivocal surrender to the New World Orchard. On the contrary. Specifying a case is only one part of a custom build, vital to be sure, but far from obligatory. Swapping graphics cards during a bench test or unknotting cobwebs of cables when retiring an elderly power supply were two scenarios where the practice of “enclosed computing” would more likely impede than assist. Furthermore, my war with environmental hindrances was proving fruitless. Degrees continued to escalate in perfect correlation with stress, eventually leading to unbearable night terrors of defenceless transistors perishing amidst an inferno precipitated by their negligent master, who was promptly tried for involuntary machine slaughter and condemned to an eternity of servicing Lucifer’s hyper eco-conscious air conditioning system. My profound hope was to dispel such horrific manifestations whilst simultaneously shunning any hint of the draconian convention so readily embraced by enraptured Apployltes, and one bold decision was all I would require to fulfil it.