Cuter than a Comma,’

Not this bit, the articles underneath, with the adjacent thumbnails, see them?  You remember how things work here.  Please, just click the back button and move your curious cursor over one of those jolly little jpeg and click.  If you don’t, I’ll keep typing and you surely don’t want that, do you?  Really? I don’t believe it.  You can’t possibly want to encounter more sentences like the last one, come on, it was pathetic, it only had four words, well, four and a half if you account for the apostrophe.

Hold hard a minute.  Do pronouns like “I” and “it” count as proper words?  I attempted to “Google” the phrase “is “it” a word” and only received results for “is it a word” referring to different words outside the phrase “is “it” a word” and not “it” itself.  “Do” is a verb and “not” is an adverb but they’re both so rudimentary, should they be declared fully fledged words?

Nouns and adjectives are generally more “sophisticated”.  “Adjective” itself is a noun and “generally” used to be an adjective before I brazenly bolted “ly” to its behind, so did “brazen”, which I also callously adverbilized, so did callous and adverbilized is nothing but a noxiously nonsensical verb.

I’ve always adored the apostrophe, can you spot him?  That resourceful comma lookalike perched atop of the “t”, which intellectual thugs wish to dispose of.  In all seriousness, why on Earth petition for the expulsion of an indispensable interpretive aid.

Our race has perpetually striven for everyone of its practical inventions to to be quicker and more economical.  Fast transport with frugal fuel requirements.  Computers intuitive and efficient enough to anticipate and attend to your demands before you knew of any demands to fulfil.  Bulbs that burn less energy, if afforded time to brighten.  I know, I said we’ve always endeavoured to make things faster and less wasteful, not that we’re always successful.

I cherish my convoluted language laden concoctions but feel continually deprived of control over their composition.  I obsess over not repeating myself and positively fret about finding persistently fanciful ways of communicating transitory technological titillation.

Floundering amidst such relentless agitation, the apostrophe provides me great solace and remains a remarkable tool of linguistic efficiency in an increasingly eco-concious society. Perhaps not in the top tier, alongside turbo charged text talk, but capable of conserving priceless seconds in the communication of statements such as this peach from Peter Buck, ex-drummer of the dishonourably disbanded R.E.M:

“We all hate apostrophes. There’s never been a good rock album that’s had an apostrophe in the title.”

Were  to assume that Peter Bucks spoke these words.  If hedve written them down then read them back to himself, he  mightve  commanded the “comma sense” to appreciate the colossal cut in time consumption this entirely good natured and infallibly punctual alphabetic auditor has delivered throughout centuries of literary and dramatic expression, quite apart from common human interaction.  Perhaps well accept his  preposterous claim in good humour and pray, now that hes a little older and wiser, hell have had years to consider whether a future of contextual hell is preferable to the presence of our proactive letter conservationist.

Moreover, when he was engaged in rigorously rendering his remarkable rock recounted epiphanies with creatively blessed colleagues in a studio bursting with racks riddled with synths, samplers, sequencers, amplifiers, FX units, dynamics processors, drum machines and ten miles of triple shielded, ultra grounded, finely filtered XLR cabling, ninety nine one hundredths of which they’d never used, did he once stop to spare a thought for how arguably the most famous, notorious, influential and productive genre of music and that which secured his career and reputation, would appear in print were it not for a duplicate dose of distinguished specks?  Tell me, which looks artistically “right” to you?

Now, please,  liberate both of us from further punishment and click on a yonder thumbnail.